The Random Life of a Big Cock

I’ve got such a big cock, colossally big infact. It’s so big infact that if fully aroused, I can lift the lid with it on my wheelie bins when disposing of rubbish at my home. I can do that because I keep my wheelie bins down the side of my house secluded behind a secure gate - even though I don’t actually do that because I’m not often inclined to expose myself outside my big house, though I am not adverse to being naked outside my big house in my big garden which is secluded from neighbours. I do walk around my big house naked sometimes, as do my 3 imaginary sexy girlfriends - two of whom are sisters which pleases me a lot. They all love my big cock. My big cock does need a lot of exercise and I have regular workouts with my 3 imaginary sexy girlfriends who love to play around with my big cock.

I sometimes think I should give my big cock his own pet name. Although it is mute, he seems to have a life of his own separate from his master. As his master, I must admit I do sometime slightly bait him, in a gentle kind of way. But I would never treat him roughly. The same cannot be said of my 3 imaginary sexy girlfriends who can sometimes get abit rough* although my big cock is so big that it is too big for them to have any real impact on it. {* - Sorry, but I can’t go into too much more detail here about specific sex acts in case it breaches forum etiquette}.

I keep my big cock in supreme condition, with regular exercise (as I already mentioned) and regular moisturising using cocoa butter. I have to admit, I get through a lot of cocoa butter! But it’s worth it to see him in supreme condition which make my 3 imaginary sexy girlfriends very happy and content and safely comforted in my big house safe from any nefarious strangers outside who might do harm to them, myself or my big cock.

I entered my big cock into a big cock competition earlier this year, and I was the winner. So I am Big Cock Champion for 2026!!!! (Unfortunately I am unable to share pictures here, so you’ll just have to take my word for it!)

Did I mention, my cock is really big?

*******

Yes, we always said that about you.

Have you thought about a career in the adult film industry.

This is getting out of hand now

(13-05-2026 12:25 )Charlemagne Wrote:  Yes, we always said that about you.

Have you thought about a career in the adult film industry.

*******

(13-05-2026 12:47 )The Silent Majority Wrote:  This is getting out of hand now

In case you are taking this literally, just to point out in case you didn’t actually realise, this is a satirical thread mocking another thread here (as opposed to Snooks’ one which is more of a self-parody riposte in the style of a kind of humorous subversion to egotistical triumphalist self-aggrandizement)

I started this thread, but I’m not sure I can keep it up

*******

Viagra works well, or so a friend of mine says.

(13-05-2026 12:47 )The Silent Majority Wrote:  This is getting out of hand now

Brings a whole new meaning to crank of the shaft

(13-05-2026 15:01 )Charlemagne Wrote:  Viagra works well, or so a friend of mine says.

(13-05-2026 15:04 )Snooks Wrote:  

(13-05-2026 12:47 )The Silent Majority Wrote:  This is getting out of hand now

Brings a whole new meaning to crank of the shaft

Biggus Dickus - Monty Python