Jokes

Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

On the piano!

Why do sweaters tend to hang out together? They're pretty close-knit.

Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia.

I was involved in very organised crime

Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.

They left a little note, it said ‘Parking Fine.

I replaced my rooster with a duck.

Now I wake up at the quack of dawn.

GCSE maths question:
If a man is 63 years old & his girlfriend is 24 years of age, how much money does the man have?

Rumours circulating that the new James Bond will be a transexual, starting as a man and transitioning to a woman. The working title is "Cocktopussy"

I asked my smart speaker "What do women really want?". Twelve hours later, it's still talking...

Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe, but if you remove it, you get gravy.

My girlfriend confided in me she loves when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly, I’m not a fan.