Jokes

What is the scientific/medical name for Viagra?

Mycoxaflopin

There is a nudist convention on in town next weekend…

I might go if I have nothing on!

I was at my mate's stag night yesterday, when he and his brother handed me a glass full of yellow, lukewarm liquid.

"Drink it," they said giggling. It was only when I smelt it that I realised the prank the bastards were trying to pull...

Carlsberg!

What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce?

A chicken sees a salad

My wife treats me like a god.

She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

Never use a cloud-based phone.

You’ll end up with mist calls.

There's a lot of crap on TV…

I'll have to put the budgie back in his cage!

Dad and daughter are looking at the printer in their house that's not working.
Dad, ''I don't understand it, it just keeps printing out the same thing:
I just can't get enough, I just can't get enough, I just can't get enough, I just can't get enough....''
Daughter replies, ''Ah yes I can see what the problem is, it's stuck in depeche mode''.

I got myself a seniors' GPS.

Not only does it tell me how to get to my destination. It also tells me why I wanted to go there.

Why Don’t Some Couples Go to the Gym?

Because some relationships don’t work out.