Jokes

For Mother's Day, I bought my mom new beads for her abacus...

It’s the little things that count...

The newest form of birth control is putting a rock in one shoe...

...It makes you limp.

I really hated my new short haircut

But it's growing on me.

What do you call an extinct hunchbacked bird?
The Quasidodo.

If at first, you don’t succeed …

Skydiving is not for you.

A bloke walks into a bakery and notices all the cakes are £1. Except for one at the end which is £2.

He asks "why is that one more expensive?"

Baker says "oh, that's Madeira cake."

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac and an agnostic?

Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there’s a dog.

Did you hear about the charismatic arsonist?
Wherever he went, he lit up the room

Why do French people eat snails?

They don’t like fast food.

Two artists had an art contest.

It ended in a draw!