Favourite TV & Film Quotes & Dialogue

men in black 1997

Edgar: I go out, I work my butt off to make a living, all I want is to come home to a nice clean house with a nice fat steak on the table, but instead I get this. It looks like poison. Don't you take that away, I'm eating that, damn it! It IS poison, isn't it? I swear to God I would not be surprised if it was, the way you skulk around here like a dog that's been hit too much or ain't been hit enough, I can't make up my mind. You're useless, Beatrice. The only thing that pulls its weight around here is my goddamn truck!
[Just then, a flying saucer smashes his truck, and Edgar comes out of the house to look at the damage]
Edgar: Figures.

[After drinking a glass of sugar water]

Beatrice: Your skin is hanging off your bones
[Edger Bug turns to face mirror]
Edger Bug: Oh, yeah, [he pulls his skin back] is that better?
[Shocked, Beatrice passes out]

Kay: All right, Beatrice, there was no alien. The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus.
Jay: Wait a minute. You just flash that thing, it erases her memory, and you just make up a new one?
Kay: A standard issue neuralyzer.
Jay: And that weak-ass story's the best you can come up with?
Kay: On a more personal note Beatrice, Edgar ran off with an old girlfriend. You're gonna go stay with your mom a couple nights. You're gonna get over it and decide you're better off.
Jay: Well, yeah, you know, 'cause 'cause he never appreciated you anyway. In fact, you know what - you kicked HIM out! And now that he's gone you're gonna go into town, you go to Bloomingdale's and find some nice dresses, get yourself some shoes, you know, find somewhere, maybe you can get a facial. And, uh, oh - hire a decorator to come in here quick, 'cause... DAMN

the simpsons

marge:where we going?, where we going?!!
homer: okay, okay to find flanders, i just have to think like flanders [homer's brain] am a big four-eyed lame-o, and i wear the same stupid sweater everyday and -THE SPRINGFIELD RIVER!!

the simpsons treehouse of horrors

homer has just shot flanders who was a zombie
bart: dad, you just shot zombie flanders?
homer: he was a zombie?...

from Adventures In Babysitting aka A Night On The Town (1987)

Chris Parker (Elisabeth Shue), Brad Anderson (Keith Coogan), his young sister Sara (Maia Brewton) and his friend Daryl Coopersmith (Anthony Rapp) have outrun the three crooks chasing them. They board a Chicago train which is then overtaken by two rival street gangs...

Chris: Sara, honey. I think that you should lay down and get some sleep.
Sara: I'm not tired.
Chris: Well pretend that you're tired.
Sara: Then can I pretend to sleep?
Chris: Yeah... whatever. Jesus...

The two rival gangs enter their train carriage from opposite sides.

Sara: Cool!
Chris: We'll get off at the next stop.
First gang leader: Now don't you even think about gettin off this train!
Second gang leader: Only people gonna be gettin off this here train... gonna be doin' it in body bags!
First gang leader: How you sound? This is our train!
Second gang leader: Yeah well your train is rollin' in our turf!
First gang leader: So?!
Second gang leader: So as soon as we cross that road, you and yer girls are dead meat..!
Daryl: They're gonna kill each other!
Brad: And kill us doing it...
Second gang leader (pulling a flick knife): There goes Jefferson!
First gang leader (pulling a knife): There goes Jackson!
Second gang leader: And here comes Devil Row!
Chris: Wait..! Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice that you two groups of people are about to start killing each other, and I was wondering if you could please just wait on that until we can get off the train...?
Second gang leader: Sit down, bitch!
First gang leader: Yeah, bitch - sit down!
Daryl (to Brad): Are you going to let him get away with that?
Brad: Wait a minute!
Daryl: I was kidding...!
Brad: That was really rude! Take it back... ah.. apologise!
Chris: Brad, stay out of this.
Brad: He called you a bitch!
Chris: Brad shut up!
Second gang leader: Yeah... listen to the bitch... Brad!
Brad: Watch your mouth... you... you.. big city scum sucker!
Gangs: oooohh!!!!
Second gang leader: You just can't keep your foot outta your mouth.. can you, boy?! Lemme help!

(he throws the knife in to Brad's foot)

Second gang leader: Don't fuck with the Lords of Hell!
Chris (picking up the knife and threatening the gang leader): Don't fuck with the babysitter!

From 'Coppers' last Monday: "It's not a bald patch, it's a solar panel for a sex machine."

Don't worry I've got you!

You've got me? Who's got you?

futurama space pilot 3000

Fry: Can I ask you a question?
Leela: As long as it's not about my eye.
Fry: Uh...
Leela: Is it about my eye?
Fry: Sort of.
Leela: [sighs] Just ask the question.
Fry: What's with the eye?
Leela: I'm an alien, all right? Now let's change the subject.
Fry: [excited] Cool, an alien. Has your race taken over the Earth?
Leela: No, I just work here

In Dallas JR Ewing educating his son in the three most important rules in business:

Son "Dont forgive and dont forget, Do onto others as they do onto you and what goes round comes round"

bruce almightly - 7 fingers scene


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