Poems: Topical and Funny

Monday night
and cottage pie tea
now my evening's
chilling and free

I’ve hunted near, I’ve hunted far
I even looked inside my car.
I’ve lost my glasses, I’m in need,
To have them now so I can read.
I loudly swear and I curse
Did I leave them in my purse?
Are they behind the sofa, under the bed?
Oh there they are—on my head!

They have said
The north winds will bkow
and we shall have snow
What will we have to do then?

On Halloween night, when the moon does rise,
Fear abounds, it’s no surprise.
Ghosts and goblins roam the street,
With tricks and treats to compete.

Witches cackle as they brew their potions,
While skeletons dance in wild motions.
But amidst the fright and eerie sounds,
One thing is clear: fear truly astounds.

It's Bonfire Night
and I wonder why
no one still shouts
"Penny for thr Guy?"

I ate a chili pepper
One a lunch-time dare;
Sandy said I’d burn my mouth,
But I didn’t care.

I ate that chili pepper—
Left not a seed to waste—
And won that truly silly bet,
But lost my sense of taste.

As it's Mental Health Awareness Week I put together a poem for everyone at work.
Partly based on my own experience and partly on the experience of others I have talked to.
So here it is

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My mind has been a disorientated space
My heart and soul dragged all over the place

This mental state of mine so energy sapping
Irritableness, impatience and indecisive flapping

Everything seems to matter so much and yet so little
Not living life to the full with emotions so fickle

Sense of purpose reduced to dodge and weave
The implications of mood swings as I try to breathe

Every moment is a challenge not to fall asleep
So tired at times I am made to weep

Using mindfulness techniques to give me hope
Drugs by themselves not enough to cope

Mood so low and tension high at the very least
Unpredictable, tiresome, unforgiving of beast

This is a battle against depression and for a sense of direction
To which I raise my strongest objection

A desperate struggle fighting intense deflation
Every activity no matter how simple saps my concentration

Why should such easy tasks require such effort and toil?
With the frequent result that my temper does boil

Let not anyone assert that a broken spirit is a mere phase and nothing more
It is the soul invisibly splayed out all over the floor

Facing down the demons alone is beyond unfair
It requires superhuman courage to problem share

Experience has made that easier but trepidation remains
A climate of fear and mistrust even amongst small gains

To sense my paranoia and my silent cries
Is music to my ears and a drier to my eyes

I yearn for my life to regain a sense of purpose
Instead of mental chaos akin to a headspace circus

But what if I can change the path of this fateful story
And what if it all ends in ultimate glory?

That is what I tell myself every morning
A new start and healthier mind is slowly dawning

Of all the successes I have revelled in as man and boy
This recovery journey completion will be the most meaningful I shall ever enjoy.

It's Billy Connelly weekend in Glasgow

So here's a little something from the man himself

Life is a waste of time
Time is a waste of life
Get wasted all the time
And have the time of your life

A funny young fellow named Perkins
Was terribly fond of small gherkins.
One day after tea
He ate ninety-three
And pickled his internal workings.

I found a tenner in the street
There it was
Lying at my feet
I looked around
no one else was around
So it became my ten pounds