Jokes

(This is a part 2 to the funny gym story from way back on 11th December 2020)

4 Best friends worst sex ever had story joke part 2

Part 2: “Worst Gym Mishaps Ever”

Same café, same crew—but this time, they’re swapping stories about their most humiliating gym experiences. Each one tries to outdo the last:

- Brunette: Tried to impress her crush by lifting weights… accidentally let out a massive fart mid-squat. Echoed through the gym like a foghorn.

- Redhead: Mistook a vibrating foam roller for a massage tool and used it on her face. Ended up with a black eye and a viral TikTok.

- Black-haired girl: Joined a spin class, didn’t realise it was a couples’ session. Got paired with a 70-year-old man named Clive who kept shouting “FASTER, DARLING!”

- Blonde: Thought she was going on a date with a guy named “Jim.” Turns out he just wanted her to spot him at the gym. She spent the whole time holding his sweaty towel and dodging protein farts.

Alternate Part 2: “Worst Holiday Hookups”

They go on a group trip to Ibiza and each one ends up in a romantic disaster:
- One gets catfished by a guy who claimed to be a DJ but was just the hotel janitor.
- Another accidentally hooks up with her ex’s twin brother—who was also staying at the same resort.
- Someone gets stuck in a hammock mid-hookup and has to be cut out by resort staff.
- And the blonde? She thought she was flirting with a guy named Chad… turns out he was just trying to sell her a timeshare.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it?

A waist of time.

I dreamt about drowning in an ocean made of orange pop last night.

It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta Sea.

Did you hear about the lady who fell in love with a lemonade salesman?

She was Schwepped off her feet!

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?

A can't-opener!

If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving is not for you.

(Part 3 of our 4 mishaps lady friends...)

“Worst Job Interviews Ever Had”.

Same four friends, same café, but this time they’re swapping stories about the most mortifying interviews they’ve ever endured. Buckle up:

Scene: The café, one week later. The same four friends—brunette, redhead, black-haired, and blonde—are back, sipping tea and licking emotional wounds.

Brunette sighs, “Okay, worst job interview ever. I applied for a receptionist role at a fancy law firm. I wore my best blouse, walked in confident… and sat on the managing partner’s dog.”
“Wait—what?” the others gasp.
“Yeah,” she groans. “It was a tiny chihuahua. I thought it was a furry cushion. It yelped, I screamed, and the guy just whispered, ‘You’re not the first.’”

Redhead jumps in. “Mine was for a marketing agency. I was trying to sound smart, so I said their brand reminded me of ‘a sexy spreadsheet.’”
“A sexy what?” the black-haired girl chokes.
“Exactly. Then I knocked over their water cooler trying to demonstrate ‘fluid engagement.’ They asked me to leave before I got to the PowerPoint.”

Black-haired girl rolls her eyes. “I applied to be a teaching assistant. I was so nervous, I accidentally gave the headteacher my Tinder profile instead of my CV.”
“Nooo!” the others shriek.
“She said, ‘You’re not qualified, but you’re very… adventurous.’”

All eyes turn to the blonde, who’s sipping her tea like it’s a tranquilizer.
“Okay,” she says. “I applied for a job at a gym.”
“Oh no, not Jim again…” the brunette mutters.
“Worse,” the blonde sighs. “I thought it was a receptionist role. Turns out it was for a personal trainer. They asked me to demonstrate a squat. I did it… and ripped my leggings from front to back.”
“Did you get the job?”
“No. But the CCTV footage went viral. I’m now known as ‘Crack Attack Cathy’ on TikTok.”

A guy walks into the doctor’s office with a piece of lettuce hanging out of his rear.

The doctor takes one look and he says, “Damn, Son, it looks like we have one hell of a problem here.”

The guy responds, “This is just the tip of the iceberg.”

A man’s walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows. “Twenty pounds,” she says. He’s never been with a prostitute before, but he decides what the hell

They are going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them—it’s a policeman. “What’s going on here, people?” asks the officer.

“I’m making love to my wife,” the man answers indignantly.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” says the cop, “I didn’t know.”

“Well,” said the man, “to tell the truth neither did I until you flashed that light on her face.”

Called the Wildlife Hotline.

Recording said to press 3 for bear life, 4 for fish life, or hold on for deer life.