Jokes

People say smoking kills, but it also cures salmon

I asked my wife what she wanted for our anniversary.

She told me “nothing would make her happier than a diamond ring.”

So I got her nothing.

I lost my job as a stage designer.

I left without making a scene.

Why did the employee bring a ladder to work?

Because they wanted to go up in the company.

Why did the chemist break up with the biologist?

There was no chemistry.

My boss told me to have a good day…
So I went home.

Ever try eating a clock?

It’s time-consuming!

Marriage is like a deck of cards… All you need at first is two hearts and a diamond.

But by the end, you wish you had a club and a spade! ♠️

I just got a job at a mirror factory.?
I could really see myself working there.

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory.
All I did was take a day off.