Jokes

A slice of apple pie costs £3.50 in Jamaica, £3.75 in Bermuda, and £3.15 in the Bahamas.

Those are the pie-rates of the Caribbean.

What do you get when you cross a boomerang with a ghost?

Something that’s eventually gonna come back to haunt you.

I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I've never looked back since

Is Google male or female?

Must be female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

Heard that burglars used a pot of flowers to smash a window and gain entry to a local house, but the evidence may have been planted.

Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf.

I haven't heard from him since.

I'm so good at sleeping.

I can do it with my eyes closed.

The Missing Spoon short joke story

A man frantically searches his kitchen for a missing spoon. He checks drawers, the dishwasher, even the cat (who looks offended). Finally he opens the microwave and there it is, still warm. He realizes he’d been reheating yesterday’s mystery soup with a spoon as a lid. The cat files for a restraining order.

I’ve started a business building ships in my attic.

It started out kinda slow, but now sails are going through the roof.

A man walks into a bar. As he sits down, he looks up and notices three pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender "what's with the meat?"

The bartender says, "If you can jump up and slap all three pieces at once, you get free drinks for an hour. If you miss even one, you have to pay for everyone else's drinks for the rest of the night. Wanna give it a go?"

The man takes another look at the meat, then says, "I think I'll pass. The steaks are too high."