Jokes

What’s it called when a bull swallows a bomb?
Abominable.

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet.

I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

Wow, honey, I never thought our son would go that far!

Yeah, the catapult is really amazing. Go get our daughter!

Saturday Night Live joke.

Trump: But you don't have the cards.

Iranian Leader: We do, we have the Straights.

I’m very good at sleeping

I can do it with my eyes closed

I don’t play football because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.

I used to be a member of the secret cooking society but they kicked me out for spilling the beans.

If laziness were an Olympic sport, I’d come in fourth so I don’t have to climb the podium.

My diet is like a politician—full of empty promises.

I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it.

If nobody was home, I’d just leave a brochure on the kitchen table .